R-E-S-P-E-C-T….Find out what it means to me
Relationships are the conduit by which we conduct business. Trust is the currency and RESPECT is the exchange we trade on. It’s all about the relationships. Without RESPECT there is no trust. Respect is the glue that holds our relationships together.
As Aretha Franklin points out, “Find out what it means to me!” It’s been over 50 years since the release of this classic song. Do we know what respect means today? Mutual respect makes it safe to exchange valuable ideas and differing viewpoints. It enables robust and spirited debate. We used to be able to dis-agree without some people going guano crazy. I dare say that our recent past has seen such a suspension of respect as to render it a cliché.
- What is today’s notion of respect based on?
- Do you know what it means to me? Do I know what it means to you?
- Have we made the honest effort to find out?
Dis-respect vs differing communication styles
Leadership requires we make the effort to understand others’ viewpoints no matter how vehemently we may disagree with them personally. Is the issue about style, substance, or both? Remember, it’s about preserving the conduit of relationships in the workplace and on the home-front.
Over the years in HR and consulting, I have observed so many difficulties that could have been prevented or mitigated with a little meaningful communication. It is very easy to assign offense where none is intended by not making the effort to understand the communicator. This amounts to little more than intellectual laziness or at worse a choice of perpetual victimhood. When did our skins become so thin?
Find the overlap
Like the circles on the Olympic rings, there is a place where we all overlap in the pursuit of mutual success.
This is where teamwork and excellence lives. There will be no team gold medals handed out if the team members
are functioning at cross means with each other and leaders don’t step in to right the ship.
We don’t need to be best friends to do business, but we do need to collaborate in a thoughtful and professional
way. Our goal is to move towards interdependence.
How to move towards interdependence
Learn ways to be respectful and know what to do even if somebody isn’t respectful toward you. it is usually not possible to force somebody to respect you, presuming you both have a clear understanding of what the perceived disrespectful behavior was. Here are some tips to apply to preserve relationships and move towards interdependence.
- Show people what respect looks like by being respectful yourself
- Tell the person what they are doing isn’t ok and be specific
- Try to understand their point of view, (not necessarily agree with it)
- Give that person a chance to show their best
- If possible, spend more time with people who are respectful
Signs of a respectful work environment
- Your default attitude is one of comfort being around others
- It is OK to express who you are and what is important to you
- Disagreements are met with patience and a desire to be understood
- People don’t talk over each other or meltdown with loud yelling
- There is no perceived need to control another person’s choices
- There is open dialog about needs, wants and aspirations
- People are understanding and respectful of personal space if they need it
- There is freedom to admit mistakes; learn not to repeat them and move on
- People are given the benefit of the doubt before reacting or rushing to judgement
- It is OK to let your hair down once in a while and have some fun with colleagues
De-escalate and communicate
Why would an organization allow misunderstanding to fester and relationships to become putrescent? Unless
they have a plan to make it a stand up career like Rodney Dangerfield, it makes zero sense.
If you want respect, find out what it means to others and do that!