As Aristotle famously said, “There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.” Many people in our working world have been trained to do exactly that – nothing. Take no risk for fear of criticism. Don’t rock the boat. Let somebody else stick their neck out while the rest of us watch to see if they have just placed their head in a noose. It is sad to see talented people as disruptors hung in broad daylight, while their best potential innovations perish with them.
Ouch, that was critical! But before you criticize too much read on.
It is understandable that people have differences in their aversion to risk and exposure to criticism. However, regardless of an individual’s ‘risk beta’, they will eventually face some form of feedback that might be hard to swallow. Many of us are just not wired to accept flying under somebody else’s radar and will self-identify as candidates for criticism, (fair or otherwise)
I had a corporate mentor in the past say, “Just put some honey on it, pretend it tastes good, eat your ration and say please may I have another.” That was then and I don’t think it is working that well these days What about the here and now?
OK, somebody has unloaded on you. What now?
It’s very important to separate the critical action from personal esteem. An individual and their criticism does not determine who you are. Healthy interdependent boundaries allow us all to overlap at work (or at home) in mature constructive ways. Below are some tips to help anybody of any generation succeed in the face of criticism.
Start by understanding your own inner critic.
This means being secure enough in our own skin so as to listen and respond vs shutting down and reacting. Some people go guano crazy at the slightest hint of criticism. It is not a pleasant experience for either person involved in the communication.
Not everyone with an opinion about you or your work performance is out to get you. Let’s look at how to use other people’s feedback for everybody’s best outcome.
Follow These Steps:
1. Exhale fully and listen honestly for the critic’s intention.
2. Decide if the feedback is constructive or destructive.
3. Thank those who offer constructive criticism.
4. Avoid over-reacting in the face of criticism.
5. Minimize time spent with toxic people.
6. Earnestly act on constructive criticism.
7. Be good to yourself.
Exhale fully and listen honestly for the critic’s intention.
Remember, work is something you do. It is not who you are. Don’t get labeled as a problem child based on the perception that you get defensive at the mere possibility of negative feedback. Big mistake, as you might well wear that label for your whole tenure at this organization (or it may even follow you to others.)
When you’re about to receive feedback from up, down, or sideways, exhale fully. Clear your mind and listen with your eyes to what is actually being communicated. Go slow enough to understand what critic’s intention is. Your job here is reconnaissance and nothing more.
Decide if the feedback is constructive or destructive.
Is the feedback constructive? If so, it’s a big opportunity to improve. It is a gift. Some gifts don’t come custom wrapped the way you want it, but it’s what inside the wrapping that matters.
Some people criticize others in a never-ending attempt to bolster their own fragile self-concepts. If the communication sounds like victim baiting and contains words like: “always”, “never”, or shouldn’t, feel free to ignore it. Be nice but ignore it.
Thank those who offer constructive criticism.
Those who provide you with honest helpful feedback want you to achieve. Remember they have taken the healthy risk to approach you and have honorable intentions. Thank them for their honesty and offer to reciprocate when appropriate. You have just made an ally even if you approach things from opposing points of view. This is also a good label to wear that may follow you around in your career.
Avoid over-reacting in the face of criticism.
It’s all about the relationship. Maintaining the relationship is primary. You might be thinking in your inner voice, “What a schmuck” and that is OK. Remember that they are “our schmuck” and we produce a work product together.
If you feel yourself starting to react, flee. Tell them you have an important call to take or something else believable. Do not engage at a hyper emotional time. If it’s really important enough to discus, they can give you the courtesy of planning a time to do so. If it’s not, then ignore it.
Minimize time spent with toxic people.
As best you can and as circumstances permit, limit your exposure your to toxic people. Do this the same way you would limit exposure to toxic substances like lead or mercury. Don’t waste your time or energy on these people.
Flushing toxic people from your immediate airspace provides room to be you. A friend said at dinner the other night that his company’s culture needed some type of evacuant for relief of organizational effluence.
It’s like a hi-colonic for corporate culture. Safe and effective when used as directed!
Earnestly act on constructive criticism.
Do something with it. A little less talk and a lot more action.
Be good to yourself
When somebody has given you something to think about, be good to yourself.
Go out of your way for yourself. We all benefit from appropriate self-care.
When all else fails try this:
“Before you criticize anybody, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do
criticize them, you’ll be a mile away and will have their shoes.” –Anonymous
